FACE Family Road Trip
by WhoWoodLock
Summary: What happens when FACE (France, America, Canada,and England) are crammed in a Jeep for hours on end? Rated T for language.
1. Prologue

W: Hello! So I have not posted anything in a long time. I need to. So I decided to post this. QUICK DISCLAIMER (I hate thees but I must use them) I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR THE ART I USE. I have stewed this idea for a few years and I need to get it down. I'm sorry if I don't post frequently I am a Junior in High School give me a brake. Enjoy the story!:W

Prologue

"YO BRITISH DUDE HURRY THE FUCK UP!" Alfred said honking the horn of his "MADE IN ME" Jeep.

"WILL YOU BE PATIENT!" Arthur shouted sticking his head out the second story window. "I NEED TA FIND MI KEYS!"

"DUDE FUCK YOUR KEYS!" He honked the horn of his Jeep.

"Alfred will you stop with the horn it is giving me a headache." Mathew asked politely from the passenger seat.

"Do you mean these keys?" Francis asked jingling them by Arthur's ear

"YOU BLOODY FROG GIVE THOSE BACK!"

"Ohohohohohoho~ BLACK SHEEP BLACK SHEEP!"

"WANKER!"

After 15 or so minutes of fighting everyone ended up in the car.

"So dudes, where first?" Alfred asked slamming the car in reverse making Mathew slam into his seat belt. This was going to be one hell of a long road trip.

W: Sorry this is short! Please follow and comment if you want more. Sorry if I don't end up posting a lot, I am in High School and well...HOMEWORK. The more you comment the more and faster I type. Sorry for errors. If you spot them please leave a comment ot better yet message me and I will fix them ASAP. I also have a pole up for where FACE should go first. It is on my profile page here on fanfiction. I will post the results on my blog .com a week from now. THANK YOU FOR READING! :W


	2. Paris, Idaho

**CHAPTER 1 Paris, Idaho.**

"Alfred I Need TO PEE!" Francis whined. It was early morning in Idaho in the lower west corner. It had rained some the night before and the clouds were low over the countryside.

"Well maybe you shouldn't have drunken that entire bottle of Pino this morning." Arthur said looking out the window watching the misty morning clouds hang over the hills in the distance.

"Oh shut up Black sheep no one asked you!"

"Don't you worry dudes were almost to Paris." Alfred said quite confidently

"I think you got you geography wrong Al..we aren't in France.."Mathew said in his normal quiet tone.

"No we can stop in Paris for a restroom brake." Alfred insisted

"WE AREN'T IN PARIS NEVER MIND FRANCE YOU STUPID AMERICAN!" Francis shouted

"I can't believe I'm saying this but Francis is right. We are in Idaho."

"Ha yup British dude U DA HOE." Alfred laughed.

"Alfred.." Mathew snapped "Inappropriate."

"I NEED TO GOOOO!"Francis whined again

"Will you stop! your whining is only make the trip feel longer!"

"Five miles to pairs." Alfred announced.

"More like five hundred thousand miles." Arthur said mockingly

"That isn't helping!"

"Maybe we should all calm down and relax." Mathew suggested.

"I would do that Mattie, but then I would PEE EVERYWHERE!"

"Four miles!"

"I'm going to DIE...In a car..With HIM!" Francis said pointing a finger at Arthur.

"Oi!"

"Will you please both stop yelling."

"Three Miles!"

"Al what did i say about yelling."

"OH MY HOLE LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY VERY EYES! Mama. Is that you?"

"Stop it with the charades!"

"The yelling..."

"OH MAMA I'M SO SORRY!"

"WANKER!"

"Maple."

"TWO MILES!"

"CAN"T YOU DRIVE FASTER ALFRED?!" Francis shouted in desperation

"Dude I'm pushing it already!"

"Please stop with the yelling. Papa if you need to go that bad we can pull over."

"HELL NO! Sorry Mattie but knowing Alfred, he would drive away leaving me with my pants down."

"Would not!" Alfred protested "One mile Dude you can make it!"

"I would leave you on the side of the road though." Arthur huffed

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU LE DUMB-ASS!"

"Papa language."

"Where here! Welcome to Pairs Idaho U!S!A!" Alfred shouted as the car rolled into the city limits of Paris Idaho population 510.

"PUBLIC TOILET!"

"Hold on dude let me park."

"I HAVE BEEN HOLDING FOR FIVE MILES NOW STOP ZE CAR!"

"Alright dude fine geese." Alfred said stopping the car as Francis bailed. He ran a B line to the bathroom in the park. Soon after Alfred parked.

"Finally. I can get some air that isn't being recirculated." Arthur said getting out and stretching. "Those feed lots reach."

"Ya...can I drive next? I promise to take us somewhere fun..."

"No way Mattie bro. You'll get lost. I know My country like the back of my hand." Alfred boasted lifting up his right hand.

"It isn't prety. When was the last time you washed your hands?" Arthur said examinging the hand put up

"NOT COOL DUDE!" The bathroom door slammed open.

"There isn't any soap in there! How do you expect me to wash my hands!" Francis shouted as he didn't want to toutch anthing.

"Papa I've got hand sanitizer." Mathew said pulling out a small container of maple scented hand sanitizer.

"Oh Mattie I love your healthcare system."

"Unlike Alfred. I don't think he has washed his hands for a week."

"SHUT IT LIMEY!"

After several more minutes of fighting over who's healthcare system was the best (Mathew won) and restroom brakes, they all pilled into the car once more.

"Alright dudes...Where we going!"

W: Sorry for taking so long. I had several things at my school over Halloween that I volunteered to do such as the Day Of The Dead carnival and the first haunted house y high school put on. Thank you to **JuliaBlocks, Lukas-the-Norge,** and **Kar** for your comments. They made me make sure to get this chapter up! If you have any Places you want FACE to go PM me on Fanfiction Or Post a Comment!I will try to put the next on up with in the next few weeks or so! I HAVE ANOTHER POOL UP. You can go to my profile page here on FanFiction and at the very top there will be a poll. There you can vote on where you want FACE to go next. Again if you vote Other pleas send me a PM telling me what that Other is! Thank you for the wait and I hope you enjoyed!:W

P.S. If you would like updates on my work and other things going on in my life I have a blog. .com. I am the only one just goggle it.


	3. The Driver Picks The Music?

The Driver Picks The Music?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any of the songs used in this story.

"It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Risin' up to the challenge Of our rival And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night And he's watching us all with the Eye of the tiger! BA, BABABA, BABABA, BABABAAAA!" Alfred sang as the Jeep screamed 80 Miles per hour down the Wyoming interstate.

"Um Al..not to be rude..but this is the 32nd time you have played that song..could we possibly..maybe listen to something else." Matthew said as the song blasted once more.

"DRIVER PICKS THE MUSIC SHOTGUN SHUTS HIS CAKE HOLE! Face to face, out in the heat Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry They stack the odd Still we take to the street For the kill with the skill to survive!"

"Is that anyway to talk to your brother." Francis snapped

"WHAT EVER FRENCH DUDE! ITS THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT"S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT..."

"JUST PLAY A DIFFERENT BLOODY SONG FOR GOD SAKE!" Arthur shouted "AND TURN IT DOWN I CANT HEAT MY SELF THINK!" Alfred being well..Alfred he did the opposite of that. the song ended.

"ONE, MORE, TIME!"

"NO!" Everyone else shouted in unison.

"TO LATE AHAHAHAHAH! Risin' up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance..." Just then Matthew ejected the CD. "DUDE MATTIE NOT COOL BRO!GIVE IT BACK" As Alfred tried to grab the disk Matthew tossed it back to Francis. "Oh come on dude!" Alfred tried to reach for the CD again before it was passed to Arthur. "SERIOUSLY!?"

"Al eyes on the rode." Matthew said looking threw his brothers CD's "Do you only have Hip Hop, Gangsta rap and Rock N' Roll in here?"

"No there is one smooth Jazz in there when I'm trying to get lai..."

"ALFRED! I WILL SNAP THIS CD HALF!"

"Oh come on Art dude! That is like my fave one!"

"Here we go." Matthew said with triumph. "Abba's greatest hits."

"OH EW!" Alfred said turning up his nose.

"Finally something decent." Arthur siad

"AND QUEEN ISN"T DECENT!"Alfred huffed.

"NOT WHEN YOU LISTEN TO IT 33 TIMES! Wanker."

"Pfft what ever. :GASP: I LOVE..I mean I hate this one the least. I work all night I work all day and pay the bills i have to pay ain't it sad.

"And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me that's to bad" Matthew continued when his brother ran out of breath.

"In my dreams I have a plan if I got me a wealthy...WO man I wouldn't have to work at I would fool around and have a ball..." Francis picked up.

"MONEY MONEY MONEY MUST BE FUNNY IN THE RICH MANS WORLD! MONEY MONEY MONEY ALWAYS SUNNY IN THE RITCH MANS WORLD!"

"AHHHHHHHH!" Alfred shouted.

"All the things I could doooo" Auther continued with the song.

"IF I HAD A LITTLE MONEY ITS A RICH MANS WORLD!" every one finished.

"Alright time for me to play a bloody song!"

"Dude cant we finish the disk first?" Alfred asked. The road was dead freaking straight.

"I thought you hated Abba Alfred?" Frances asked

"SHUT UP!"

"Just put this in and play track three."

"Dude. Did you burn this yourself or what?"

"JUST PUT THE BLOODY DISK IN!"

"Alright jeese dude calm your tits." Alfred said ejecting the Abba disk and putting in the one Arthur gave him. He pinched in track 3. "Umm dude... what the fuck is this?"

"Just shut up and listen!"

"OH! This is the theme to CSI! who who WHOOO ARE YOU WHO WHO WHO WHO WHOOOOO ARE YOU WHO WHO WHO WHO!"

"No it isn't."

"Ua ya it is. Wait...what is this hole middle part?"

"It is called the actual song not the T.V. cut."

"Papa do you have a song you want to play?" Matthew asked to Frances.

"Oui~ as a matter of fact I do." he replied pulling out a disk of his own.

"Oh god just kill me now!"

"Shut it black sheep. I didn't complain when you played your silly rock music."

"Does it look like I care?"

"Ça ressemble je me soucie ..."(Does it look like I care) Francis said back . "Matthew put this in please."

"Sure papa. After this is done, okay?" Matthew said nicely wanting to give Arthur his time to play his song. Alfred was banging his head to the song only singing the chorus.

The song ended and Matthew took out the disk and put in the one Francis gave him.

"Ma 'chere Mademoiselle. It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight And. Now we invite you to relax let, us pull up a chair as the lobby proudly presents - your dinner..." the song started

"DUDE! THAT IS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES!"

"Oh no..." Matthew said putting his head in his hands

"Here we go." Arthur said putting his noise canceling headphones on.

"Be our guest! Be our guest! Put our service to the test Tie your napkin 'round your neck Cherie, And we'll provide the rest Why we, only live to serve Try the gray stuff t's delicious! Don't believe me? Ask the dishes! They can sing they, can dance After All Miss, this, is France And a dinner here is never second best Go on, unfold your menu take a glance and then you'll Be Our guest, Be our guest, Be our guest - LUMIERE! " Alfred started singing and Francis sung as well.

"Come on mattie bro sing with us!"

"I..I..I don't want to," he said " and I only know the French version."

"Oh my god dude this is Frozen all over again." Alfred complained.

"What is wrong with that?" Francis said defending his native tong.

"Nothing but it is annoying when i start singing one line and the next is in French and it fucks me up! The snow glows white on the mountain tonight and a footprint to be seen..."

"Un royaume de solitude Ma place est là, pour toujours." (A kingdom of isolation, And it looks like I'm the queen.) Matthew and Francis sung in French.

"See I don't know what to sing next." Arthur was spaced out looking out the window. They passed a billboard. All he caught was **Little America 100 miles**.

"OH MY GOD DUDES! WE ARE SO STOPPING AT LITTLE AMERICA!" Alfred shouted after seeing the first billboard.

"That is a thing. I thought that was just a story."

"It's america what do you think."Matthew said almost depressed that almost all the roomers were true.

"Is it really?"

"I live next to him...its real."

"75 CENTS FOR ICE CREAM! OH HELL YA!"

"Uggggg." Francis and Matthew groaned in unison. This was going to be a really long 100 miles.

W:Wow that took a while. Hello again! The poll has not been working. That is alright. Now I know. Any way, thanks to my BFF **JenTheDemon** for the comment. (We have country names she is France and wither we are with others I am Germany or Prussia) The next stop is Little America Wyoming. Yes this is a real place. Yes I have been there. Yes it is just as crazy as I portray it. I hope you liked this chapter and please leave a comment. It makes me work on these faster. If you do I will give you a shout out just like my friend **JenTheDemon**. Thank you for reading! :W


	4. Little America, Wyoming

Little America Wyoming

After an hour and a half later the Jeep pulled up to a mad house. SUV's and Motor Homes fight for places in the gas lines. People circled the parking lot looking for a spot to park sharks circling looking for a distressed swimmer.

"We, are, gonna get, some I SCREAM!" Alfred sung.

"This is madness." Matthew said jumping as someone honked in the gas line.

"Oui, this is quite crazy." Francis said looking around

"Crazy? Dudes this is a slow day. Oh SPOT!" Alfred said swerving into a parking spot. "ALRIGHT DUDES BATHROOM BRAKE THAN 75 CENT ICE CREAM! READY GO!" Alfred said before bailing out of the car and running inside.

"This is insane."

"How are we going to survive in there."

"Act like an American?"

"And how the bloody hell are we going to do that."

"American accents?"

"Um none of us can do that Mattie."

"How about we don't freak out."

"That seems harder than it sounds."

"Then we just be ourselves."

"Are you crazy?"

"Mattie are you crazy?"

"No. I am going in."

"Mattie you are crazy."

"Wish me luck." Mattie said getting out of the car before walking inside.

"Is he alright...did he get trampled?"

"This is bollocks. I am going inside!"

"Waaaahhh! You are crazy."

"Yes you can stay in the car if you are going to be such a pussy."

"What did you call me?"

"Oh you know what i bloody said I don't need to repeat it."

"You take that back!"

"NO!" Arthur said slamming the door of the car before going inside.

"Le fuck you!" Francis said getting you of the car following suit.

The building was full of people. To the left of the first set of doors there was a 'wall' of key chains all saying Wyoming. The area beyond that was full of round tables and kosshy chairs. There were isles of every American junk food valuable past the massive line of rounded people getting there 75 cones. the bathrooms were all the way at the back. making it impossible not to walk past the "I went to wyoming and all I got was this dirty shirt" Matthew made it to the bathrooms with out getting trampled. The bathrooms were amazing. There was a small lounge with sevral small chairs, about 25 to 50 stals and uinals, and everything was automatic. "Wow." Matthew siad quietly.

Arthur walked in to the swarm of people. "YO BRITISH DUDE!" Alfred said running up from the seating area. A good sized soft serve cone in each hand . He licked one "Ya want one?" he asked before taking a bite form the other.

"Errr no thanks I..."

"Oh come on bro! It is just 75 American cents."

"That is almost half a pound right now."

"*Gasp* dude no way. WILL YA BUY ME AN ICE CREAM CONE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BIG BRO!?"

"Why would I do that when you have two alreddy." he said. alfred choved the smallest cone in his mouth

"Murmh mr murb" (No I don't)

"I cant under stant what you said and I am going to the loo." Arthur said

"Murphhhh!" (Dudeeee!) Alfred said before chewing and swallowing the rest of the cone. He saw franceis looking around. "YO french dude!"he said running over

"Oh there you are." Francis said happy to see someone he knew.

"Would you like a cone? Only 75 ME cents!"

"Thank you but no thank you. it is over half a euro."

"How much over?"

"Oh about .69"

"Still cheaper for you than for me!? COME ON BRO BUY ME ONE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"

"Alfred you ate acting like a child."

"Pleasee!" Alfred pleaded.

"You already had one. besides i am going to buy one for Mattie."

"Dude why?"

"Because his is ze most expensive. Over a dollar in Canadian currency."

"Wow."

"Hay papa." Matthew chirped as he walked up. "have you seen the bathrooms. They are so big and these ones have a lounge where you can sit."

"Hay speak of the devil! Mattie bro, Is it true thet these cones are over a dollar for you?" Alfred asked.

"Ya. I guess that is true... Out of everyone here I have to pay the most for stuff."

"Here let me buy you one bro." Alfred said patting his brother on the back

"Ah thank you but I don't really need o..." Before Matthew could finish his sentence Alfred ran in line to get another cone.

"How sweet of him." Francis said with a smile

"Ya I guess so?"

"OI FROG!" Arthur shouted from the dining area. "I GOT US A BLOODY TABLE!"

"THANKS BLACK SHEEP ILL LET ZE BBC KNOW ZAT!" he shouted back as Matthew walked to the table on the other side of the room. America had moved about a meter so much for "fast food". They all sat down as a 400+ pound woman carried a hamburger over to her seat where her plus sized children and husband sat.

"I think I am going to get fat just by breathing the air in here. " Francis said as he looked at the fat people.

"I hope this is a pit stop. I heard there is a hotel here and I really don't want to stay." Arthur said crossing his arms

"Same."

"If we do, I hope the hotel rooms are as nice as the bathroom lounge." Matthew said rubbing the back of his head. the bathroom were really nice here. Not soon after Alfred walked over with a cone fore everyone. Including himself.

"Here ya go mattie bro,"Alfred said handing his brother a cone" I got one for you too French dude. Oh and British dude I didn't know if you wanted chocolate or vanilla so I got you both." Francis snickered.

""Thank you Alfred. IO! what are you bloody laughing at?!"

"Ohohohohohohohohoh~ it i just like that time you were drunk and you didn't know if you were catholic or Protestant..HOHohohohohohohoh~!"

"Ha not as funny as the time you cut every royals head off."

"HAY TO FAR!"

"Papa please people are starting to st.."

"Dudes not here Kay?"Alfred said before taking a bite of his cone, the ice cream already gone.

"Fine...but he started it by invading me."

"And when did I do that hmmmm?"

"1066"

"Ya I don't remember that."

"Dudes what did I say?"

"Sorry" They said in unison

After finishing there ice cream, shopping, and going to the bathroom they all walked back out to the heat.

"Oh bloody fucking hell. Why does it have to be so hot!"

"Oui. I feel like I am going to die!"

"Dudes this is normal."

"Lets just get into the car..."

"Good idea mattie bro!"

They pilled into the even hotter car.

"OW! Okay we are going somewhere where the seat doesn't burn mi bum!"

"No fret British dude! I know the perfect place."

"OH! will there be snow!?" Matthew said excitedly

"Yes."

"Can I drive?"

"No."

W: HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know. I'm sorry I didn't get this up before New Years. I was going to make this a two parts but decided not to. There is another idea that I have been tossing around in my head and I REALLY want to type it out. Thank you to **Elricgurl** for the comment! If you comment I will give you a shout out! (PROMISE) thank you again for reading. I am happy that this has been popular! Thanks again and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :W


	5. Vancouver, Washington

Vancouver, Washington

"Al, I told you to let me drive. I told you to put the car in four weal drive. I told you to pull over and put chains on. Heck I even offered to put the chains on the car. I told you to drive slow. I told you not to follow that damn GPS. What did you do. The opposite of everything I just said."

"Dude no need to get all but hurt about it."

"You never listened to me."

"Yo I listen to you."

"Oh really, when was the last time you listened to me."

"Hmmmmm." There was a long pause. "1812"

"For the love of maple."

"Hay fighting will not get us unstuck." Arthur said trying to brake up the fight

"Hay fighting will not get us unstuck." France copied

"I should make you go out and dig the weals out." Matthew said crossing his arms and looking away from Alfred.

"Dude it is like three feet out there."

"Exactly."

"Okay can we all just calm down." England said once again trying to calm the two.

"Okay can we all just calm down" France coppied

"No worry British dude I have a plan!"

"Oh really?"

"Oh really?"

"Al, I'm sure you plan is decent but please, for the love of maple, let me think up the idea to get us out of here."

"Okay! So we are going to Bear Grills it!"

"Please no. Al that is going to get us killed, and we can't die." Matthew said

"Oh and how does Bear Grillsing it work?"

"Oh and how does Bear Grillsing it work?"

"Will you stop that?"

"Will you stop that?"

"Stop."

"Stop."

"I will punch your face in"

"I will punch you face in"

"I'm serious!"

"I'm serious!"

"GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"

"GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"

"YOU BLOODY WANKER!"

"YOU BLOODY WANKER!"

"I'm France and I'm a bigot."

"I'm France and I'm a bigot."

"Are you going do this all bloody day?"

"Are you going do this all bloody day?"

"Alright! first wee need to decide who we eat first. Mattie I nominate you."

"Wahh! Why me of all people?"

"Ill take that as a yes."

"Ill take that as a yes."

"Because you have a nice layer of fat that keeps you immune from the cold."

"Shouldn't that mean I should eat you first since I am more used to the cold weather and will most likely survive."

"I say we should eat Francis first."

"I say we Should eat Francis first."

"No one is eating anybody" Matthew sat reassuring everyone. "We will call for help."

"On what?"

"On what?"

"Ya dude if you haven't noticed we have no service."

"You idiot, I know that. I was talking about calling for help on my solar poured satellite phone."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Dude you fucking brought that?! Why!?"

"Because I knew this was going to happen. Eventually."

"Pfft! Why would you think that?" Every one in the car without saying a word, looked at Alfred. With the "Really." face. "What?"

"Oh honestly you can't be that thick?"

"Oh honestly you can't be that thick?"

"WILL YOU STOP THAT!?"

"WILL YOU STOP THAT!?"

"That is it I'm calling the forest service."

"Don't look at me I don't know the number."

"I bought a book before our trip."

"Oh and what is the title than?"

"How to survive an American Road Trip With an American. the Canadian addition."

"Oh I got one of those too."

"Oh I got one of those too."

"Raxacoricofallapatorius."

"Raxacoricofallapatorius."

"England is the best."

"England is the best."

"I love Arthur's cooking his scones are the best!"

"Okay I can say a lot of shit for 500,000 Euros but I CAN NOT GO ZARE!"

"HAHAHAHA! That means you owe me dude! Fork it over!" Alfred said extending his hand to claim his prize money.

"Wait this was a BET!" Arthur said letting his mouth hang open."

"Oui. AND DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY ON ME RIGHT NOW!"

"Everyone please quiet down. I wont be able to hear the ranger."

"Ya but you owe me dude!"

"Guys please. lets see the number is 360-891-5000." there was a long pause. Everyone fell silent.

"YOU HAVE CALLED THE U.S. FORESTRY DEPARTMENT...FOR INFORMATION AND CLIMATE CONDITIONS PRESS ONE..."

"If you hit zero you get a real person." Alfred said. Mattie hit zero several times before getting a real person. After stating their location and being dug out of the snow by a large truck.

"Alright all...You get in the passengers seat where it is warm. I will put the chains on the car and drive us to town."

"No no no no I can do that."

"Alfred Passenger seat NOW!" Arthur shouted from the back seat.

"FINE!" Alfred said as he sulked over and got in the passengers side. Matthew took about 15 minutes to get the chains on the car. "Took you long enough." Alfred huffed as Matthew got back in the car.

"Whats got your knickers in a twist?"

"He is driving my baby!" Alfred complained

"What this hunk of junk." Francis said poking the fake tan leather "I have seen poor people in Italy drive better cars than this."

"Oh why don't we drive up to my place and have some Poutine and Nanaimo bars." Matthew said as he turned north on the interstate.

"No." Alfred said with his arms crossed as he glared out the window.

"Oui I would love a Nanaimo bar." Francis said. It had been a while since he had eaten.

"Same Poutine sounds lovely." Arthur seconded the motion.

"Alright my place it is."

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"

"Al calm down your going to give yourself a nose bleed."

W: Wow this was fast! I would like to thank my friends for talking to me late and giving me funny feedback. I would also like to thank **Elricgurl** again (and your not an idiot) for the funny comment. Any one who wants a shout out you can comment on this story. I love to read them and they make my work more meaningful when I know wonderful people like you are reading my brain orgasms. HAPPY 10 Followers! I never thought this little stupid idea would ever get off the ground. I hope you enjoyed (my brain orgasm). :W


	6. No Passport?

No Passport!?

"42 bottles of Bud on the wall 42 bottles of Bud...Take one down pass it around..."

"Smash it on Alfred's head."

"Hohoho~ good one!"

The four were driving North on Interstate five in Washington about thirty minutes form the U.S. Canada border. Despite Alfred's protests Mattie had driven the whole way from Vancouver to here.

"Alright..." Mattie started just as Francis and Arthur were to start fighting again for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Has everyone got their passports?"

"Oui."

"Got mine."

"Ummm... No." everyone stopped to look at Alfred who was riding shotgun. "What I don't carry it with me?"

"classic Al"

" Don't patronize me Mattie you don't carry yours with you."

"Yes but I had to get here didn't I."

"Well shit now what are we supposed to do." Arthur puffed.

"Turn back I guess."

"Awhhh man I really wanted a nanaimo bar!" Francis whined. "Alfred you are a Le Dumb ass"

"OH COME ON DUDE I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Alfred shouted

"No yelling while I'm driving." Matthew said sternly.

"Just think about it next time. I'm sure we will all learn from this." Arthur said with his arms crossed

"Oui that Alfred is a fuck up."

"DUDES I'M SORRY!"

"Al the shouting...what did I say about the shouting." Mattie said as he puled the car of on an exit and turned around.

W: I am so sorry this was so short and has taken so long. I am going to try an post a chapter every two weeks or so. Please Comment it shows there is a demand for this kind of writing. As I said sorry for the long wait I will try not to have such a long duration between chapters again. :W


	7. Sweet Sweet South Carolina

Sweet Sweet South Carolina

W: Just before we start a special thanks to a loyal reader **Elricgurl the Hetalian** for the inspiration for this chapter. I would have never thought of South Carolina living in Oregon. PS I don't own hetalia or any of the songs or titles I use. :W

"Big wheels keep on turning...Carry me home to see my kin...singing songs about the south-land... I miss "ole" bamy once again and I think it's a sin, yes.." Alfred sung along to Sweet Home Alabama. All the windows in the jeep were rolled down and the hot humid air blasted through out the car. "Sweet Sweet South Carolina!"

"Alfred could you put the windows up and turn on the bloody AC. I'm going to sweat through my best travel shirt." Arthur said as he caked his face with spf 100 sunscreen making him look even paler than he already did.

"Then take it off. " Alfred suggested. "If you are so worried about the shirt..."

"Are you insane! I will burn!" Alfred turned up the song to drown out Arthur.

"Can't hear ya dude ...

"OI DON'T BLOCK ME OUT YOU WANKER!"

"Sweet home Alabama..Where the skies are so blue... Sweet home Alabama...Lord, I'm coming home to you...!" Matthew nodded his head to the music. He wasn't a huge fan of country but this music wasn't bad.

"So where are we going Alfred?" Matthew asked over the music.

"I don't know. We could stop at Patriots Point, Fort Sumter, there is always the water front, the Zoo... oh! can't for get the amusement park..."

"Can we do something in the shade please." Arthur said as he put sunscreen on his arms.

"Ohohohohoho~! you know what they say white bread at breakfast and roasted lobster by lunch!" Francis laughed

"Shut it frog!"

"DUDES!"

"What!?" Francis and Arthur snapped

"What do you want to do?" He asked again.

"Like I said something with shade."

"Blah blah blahhhh!" Francis mimicked a running joke in a movie Alfred had showed him. He beleave it was called Hotel Transylvania.

"I don't say blah blah blah! I'm not a flipping vampire!" everyone laughed. "What?!"

"How about the City Market."

"Wait you have markets?"

"Um well duh... sure I do." Alfred said as the song on the radio changed to 'Beer for My Horses'. "DUDE THIS IS MY JAM!"

"Oh I haven't heard this one in forever" Matthew said. He knew some good stuff.

"Ya.. I know right... it's still a good song though." Alfred said as he sung along. "Whiskey for my men...Beer for my horses..."

"Could we listen to something else besides Rockabilly?!" Arthur said pulling out a hand fan with the Union Jack on it. "That is all we have listened to for three days."

"Not my fault bro...the people down here love it.. it is almost impossible to find a radio station that doesn't play country.." Alfred bobbed his head while sticking more of his left arm out the drivers side window.

"Where do you think we should go Papa?" Matthew asked getting the conversation back on topic.

"Oh I don't know...that market sounded interesting. And since Arthur is étant telle une douleur dans le cul (being such a pain in the ass) I assume we can't go to the waterfront park to look at the water lizard thingies."

"What did you call me?! Matthew what did he call me?!" Arthur barked not getting an answer.

"French dude they're called Alligators, but that is a long word so we just call 'em gaters."

"Al your south is showing." Matthew said as Alfred looked at his pants to see if his fly was undone.

"Dude! no it's not!"

"Not your pants...you know what ...never mind."

"Whatever dude. So the City market then."

"Oh alright." Arthur agreed

"Sweet! Charleston here we come!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time skip brought to you by (Insert country radio station here)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dudes were here!" Alfred announced abruptly making Matthew jump and Francis and Arthur wake up from their naps.

"That's it?" Francis said looking at the roman styled building that was a little small for a city market.

"Yup that's it alright." Alfred said pulling in to a parking spot.

"Wait this is outside!?" Arthur protested. "In this weather?!"

"Ohohohohoho~ that's what you get for being stupid as well as an ass bouquet."

"You said the shade dude you didn't specify indoors" Alfred said standing out in the sun with is 'Dank Shades' on.

"I thought it was implied...Wait, where are you going?"

"To the market. You can stay in the car bro we'll crack the windows for you."

"Like hell you will." Arthur said baling out of the car into the stuffy air. "Oh god I feel sick."

"Some sweet tea will fix ya right up! Come on lets go!" Alfred said dragging Arthur and walking towards the main entrance to the market. "Welcome to the Charleston City Market dudes ... established in 1807."

Francis swooned at the four blocks of food, crafts and art. "Wow look at all this things I don't need!"

"Wait dudes I see some deep fried peanuts. I'll go get some! I'll be right back!" Alfred exclaimed as he started to speedily maneuver through the crowd.

"Well it looks like we are on our own." Matthew said looking around. Arthur was talking to a woman who had grown and made her own tea. Francis was off at a place called Caviar and Bananas. Matthew walked another block and found a place selling some decorative T shirts that said things like, "I Heart Charleston" and "I survived the Hot Sauce!" he bought one so Arthur didn't have to launder his shirt that night. He sampled some of the colorful Hot sauces and knew why they had the shirts. He bought a beautiful hand woven basket to carry his stuff in before running in to the other three again.

"Dude I asked if you wanted some pork rinds." Alfred said loudly and a little annoyed.

"Hay what's up?" Matthew said walking up to the trio.

"British dude is acting deaf."

"I can not hear a word you are saying...would someone turn down the light?"

"Dude stop faking..." Alfred stopped "Mattie get Arthur some water now!"

"You don't have to snap at me." Matthew huffed as he handed his basket to Francis who put his stuff in it as well.

"Sorry dude but if you don't hurry Art dude is going to pass out!"

"Le Shit!" Matthew at that mention of passing out got a dollar bottle of water from a food vender and met everyone in the car. It was so cold in the car you could make ice.

"Here is the water Al." Matthew said passing the water to Alfred in the back seat.

"Thanks bro." He said opening the bottle and gingerly handing it to Arthur. "Drink slowly dude.. I don't want you to vomit in my car."

"Oh gee that is reassuring." Arthur said taking sips of the cold water.

"How about we find a hotel?" Matthew said putting the car into gear.

"Oui agreed." Francis confirmed kind of happy he didn't have to sit next to the tombstone teeth Brit for the duration of trip to the Holiday Inn.

"Don't worry Art dude I know just the place to go next!" Alfred said "I promise it will be colder than here!"

W:Thanks again to **Elricguel the Hetalian** for giving me inspiration for this chapter. If anyone has anyplace they want the four to go I am open to suggestions. I can say I have never been to South Carolina and after all the research I had to do on this chapter I want to go to the City Market. thanks again for reading. Pleas follow or leave a comment if you want more of this. I am surprised that 16 people are following this. I never knew people wanted to read the voices in my head. A final Thank You and I hope you enjoyed. :W


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